Concealed Manifestation

Disclaimer:

This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents in this book are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

I'm trapped. I'm trapped in my own mind. I'm trapped in other people's opinions and perspectives that they give me. The side eyes and glances that this world can throw at me.

I feel suffocated even in my own space. The world that I created for myself. I let too many people in. I gave them the permission to be in my world, but have I given them the cue to ruin my life too? Maybe yes, maybe no. I'm too fazed to even give that a thought.

'Why not just run from all of this?'

Oh, yes. Running. I always do that. That's what I'm good at. Running from my fears, the rejections, the obvious problems and the judgement. But aren't we all good at that? But why can't I do that now?

"Maybe it's the only solution where you can't get hurt and where you can protect yourself, and maybe, just maybe the possibility of you being a failure will lessen." A stupid and childish thought that runs in my head daily. It lives on my head. I'm too selfless, a pushover, knows how to say no but doesn't have the will and the heart to say it directly.

Most people would say im just 'kind hearted', that I'm 'too nice for this world'. I want to laugh at them, pity them with their thoughts about how they see my life. I'm not kind. I'm not 'too nice for this world'. I'm a coward just living and striving with other people's sugar coated words and their standards.

"Maybe it's the only solution where you can't get hurt and where you can protect yourself, and maybe, just maybe the possibility of you being a failure will lessen." A stupid and childish thought that runs in my head daily. It lives on my head. I'm too selfless, a pushover, knows how to say no but doesn't have the will and the heart to say it directly.

Most people would say im just 'kind hearted', that I'm 'too nice for this world'. I want to laugh at them, pity them with their thoughts about how they see my life. I'm not kind. I'm not 'too nice for this world'. I'm a coward just living and striving with other people's sugar coated words and their standards.

I can't go on without the validation of other people. I mean, who wouldn't want the assurance and validation from other people. That nice surge, warm caress of other people's that gets right through you, with their sweet words.

I'll change. I want to change. Not for others, but for myself. I'll find my pace again and take back everything that was taken away from me. My pride, confidence, words and identity. I'll live for myself and myself only, with no one to hinder and conquer the laid out plan I have. No one.

Until, he came along. My plan was ruined. But he was the distraction that I openly welcomed. He wanted me, the me that I kept for so long, the me that I wanted to hide and forget forever. But he caught me in his trap. He was my only exception.

He wanted my submission and love. But was I ready to give it all when I can't even figure out myself? But he was too good.

"There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds. I believe that words are strong, that they can overwhelm what we fear when fear seems more awful than life is good. You are bent, but not broken. Scarred, but not disfigured."