If I Don't Hurt You

"When I'm happy, you feel happy too. But, when I'm sad, do you feel the same way?"

***

A dark brown-haired girl was enjoying the sunset in the afternoon. Her long hair was left loose. The girl closed her eyes, feeling the fresh air that constantly pierced the pores of her skin. Occasionally, her wavy hair followed the direction of the wind, which went nowhere.

With a shabby white dress and her feet left completely bare without any protection, this girl was huddled on a green meadow that was quite large and beautiful.

A handful of bitter smiles were imprinted on her lips, she didn't know what the smile was about. Her sad eyes were still looking at the sky. She had made an abstract painting with colors that had been mixed together. The flocks of birds flying made the sky even more crowded. Unlike this girl, who was always in endless solitude, the silence that always hit her, and the sadness that dissolved and accompanied her sad days.

Jessia Kaula Rinjani. That's her name. Usually called Sia. A petite girl who always has a cheerful look on her face, but now it's different, she's not like she used to be. With each passing day, Sia has become a loner, a girl who doesn't like to hang out with her friends, always looking strong in front of others, but in reality, she is the complete opposite. She was a fragile girl, full of sadness and sorrow that was dissolving.

A worn-out object was taken from a small pocket on her dress. She rubbed it gently and smiled sardonically afterwards. Sia closed her eyes, hugging the object in her arms. With her tight embrace, Sia couldn't help but feel the pain in her heart. The pain was not comparable to a knife cut on the hand.

Beads of clear liquid just slid out of her sad eyelids. Sia didn't want to cry, she didn't want to cry about it. However, it was so difficult, and her feelings were so broken.

"Why did you leave me, El?" she said softly while touching a small photo in her hand.

A sob escaped Sia's thin lips. Again, she couldn't forget the incident. The incident that required Sia to be willing—willing to be left behind by someone who had given color to her life—made her realize that she needed to be more willing.

However, she couldn't at all. Sia couldn't forget that person, it was too imprinted on her memory. Maybe even if Sia experienced memory loss, the thought of that person would still be loyal in her brain.

Sia's cries grew louder, she couldn't bear it. She wanted to catch up with him before he left. However, Sia still wanted to live life as it should be.

This place became a silent witness to the beginning of Sia's sadness. She will never forget the place where she accepted the harsh reality of losing someone she loved.

Sia didn't know if this was the lifeline God had given her or if God was just testing her resilience. Sia hoped that the second answer was the one she was currently living in. Sia knows that every test that God gives to his servants must have wisdom and pleasure that can be obtained afterwards.

However, Sia didn't know if this was her lifeline or just a test that God had given her. Sia raised her head up so that her tears would not continue to flood her cheeks.

She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in the fresh air of this beautiful sunset.

It didn't feel like time was passing so quickly. A dark grin began to fill the sky, which was beginning to take on a reddish-yellow color. Sia got up from her seat and cleaned her buttocks, which were probably dirty.

The hair that was blown by the wind to cover her face was pushed behind her ear. She began to smile a little.

Sia. The girl who could have such an unstable personality. Sia felt like the most heartbreaking girl in the world, but a second later she felt like a very happy girl.

Sia sighed, exhaling deeply. She began to walk away from this beautiful meadow.

The soles of her feet also felt the cold. Yes, Sia was not wearing shoes or sandals to protect her feet from sharp objects or the cold that pierced her skin.

As she walked towards her small house, Sia hugged herself tightly. Accompanied by the dim lights twinkling in the vast city.

Sia always prayed to God not to drip the sense of loss that settled in her heart over the departure of the man who gave her a warm smile. It was indeed difficult. However, Sia will keep trying, trying not to be trapped in her dark past.

Sia must be able to rise from adversity because a bright future is waiting for her there. The past is painful, and the more we feel the pain, the more the past is reminded. Like what Sia is experiencing right now, for example.

For about ten minutes, Sia had been walking among the city lights that illuminated the dark night. For some reason, this night was very different from the previous nights, as if she was going through the same downturn as Sia. The night seemed to welcome and favor Sia.

The stars that were usually present to fill the emptiness and silence of the sky were now gone and gone somewhere. The bright light from the moon was swallowed up by the black clouds.

Yes, the sky is sad now. Perhaps it will not be long before it sheds its tears. Sia took long strides, not wanting to feel the raindrops. The breeze blew away her long hair and the dress she was wearing.

The air was getting colder and felt more suffocating, Sia smiled faintly when her small house was in front of her. The house looked very old and worn. The lights still hadn't illuminated the corners of the room.

Sia clucked and then picked up the key that was placed under the flowerpot. She took it and opened the door.

Hearing the screeching sound of the door opening, Sia stepped inside and didn't forget to say her greetings. She pressed the light switch, and a second later the whole room had a speck of light. It wasn't as bright as the fancy lights in hotels or luxury apartments. However, at least Sia was lucky with the dim light that always accompanied her at night.

Sia chuckled, exhaling softly. Now the atmosphere was completely opposite from the situation out there. Now Sia felt the heat, sweat was starting to come out of her neck and temples. Sia got up from the bed and picked up the towel hanging behind the door.

The cold water began to refresh Sia's small body, she began to feel her body fresher due to the cold water that poured over her body. Ten minutes later, Sia laid down on the bed.

Her eyes began to close as the raindrops hit the window of her room. Sia fell asleep comfortably, even though all day long sadness continued to haunt her tiny body.