Flower Girl

CHAPTER 1

Most girls envisage what their wedding would be like. Walking down the aisle, their eyes fixated on their husband-to-be. Butterflies rumbling in their tummy and smiling brightly, not being able to contain their excitement.

I, on the other hand, wasn't allowed to experience those things. I had lost the right to. My eyes were glued on the bouquet I was holding, my stomach twisted in knots, and not an inch of a smile found its way to my face as I was about to walk down the aisle, with my arm looped with my father’s.

The music played on cue. The congregation stood and turned to look at me. My entire body went rigid from all the strange eyes assessing me and exhaled a rickety breath.

I squeeze my eyes shut, in an attempt to push back the tears that were eager to drop. I opened my eyes and lifted them toward my destination.

My father and I marched down the aisle like grand marshals leading a parade. Jacinth didn't take his eyes off me. He derived entertainment from every unfortunate situation I find myself in. It made my insides churn more.

Jacinth, like me, stood alone. I wasn’t sure why he didn't pick any of his friends to be his best man. Perhaps he doesn't have friends. I haven’t seen him with anyone anyway, but I was to a certain degree relieved because I didn't have a maid of honor. Mimi declined politely, she didn't want to be involved in the whole charade and I honestly didn't blame her for that.

My father released my arm from his and I halted at the front of the aisle and turned to my fiancé with a half smile. His jaw locked as his eyes wandered over me, making my face flush under his scrutiny.

His hand traced the edge of my veil. I caught the slight tremble he tried to hide by clenching the fabric. Maybe I'm not the only nervous one here after all.

He lifted the veil over my head, his eyes locked on mine. I gave a slight close-lipped smile, but he didn't return one instead he blinked twice like a deer caught in headlights.

“Are you alright?” I whispered.

He gave a quick nod. “I am. You cleaned up real nice.”

I let out an involuntary scoff.

Cleaned up nice? Was he joking? He could have said anything else or nothing at all.

Screw him. I did not spend hours getting ready for this sham just to receive a backhanded compliment. Not like I cared about what he thought of me or anything. I really don't.

Jacinth, unaware of the brewing feelings inside me, grabbed the bouquet out of my hands and held it out for someone. His hands clutched onto mine, locking me in place. I didn't want the irritation I felt to get the best of me so I plastered a fake smile on my face and gave the priest a nod.

The priest began his sermon, Jacinth’s hand toughened around mine as the priest spoke about loving in the fruits of the Spirit. I nodded along absentmindedly, feigning adoration.

The rest of the ceremony was a blur with an exchange of vows. The nearer we got to the end, the heavier my breathing became.

Jacinth’s left hand grabbed mine while holding a wedding band. I collected the second band from the ring bearer and steadied myself.

“Flora and Jacinth, have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?” The priest began. “ Will you honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives? Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his church?”

My heart skipped a beat upon hearing the question.

“I will.” Jacinth and I responded simultaneously.

“I, Jacinth, take you, Flora, to be my lawful wedded wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.” Jacinth finished.

I couldn’t help but judge him. What did he know about love? I was getting married to a man who knew nothing about love and would probably never know. My heart ached at the thought of it.

Why was I born in my family?

A family that only cares more about their reputation than the feelings of their only daughter.

But then again, I truly only have myself to blame. I brought this upon myself. I made the mistake and I have to do whatever it takes to let it remain hidden.

“I, Flora, take you, Jacinth,” my voice croaked. “To be my lawful wedded husband. I promise to be true to you in good and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.”

The priest blessed each ring before us.

“In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, take and wear this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness,” Jacinth said as he slid the thin platinum band frosted with diamonds up my finger.

I clutched onto Jacinth's left hand while holding his ring with the other. “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, take and wear this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness.” I slid the band up his finger.

We gazed at each other, something passed over his face. He almost seemed glad, but can’t be right? Fulfilled? I stifled a laugh. No, that’s impossible. Just like me, Jacinth wouldn’t get any fulfillment in this.

As if Jacinth discerned he gave away a tiny part of himself to the spectators, he regained control over the expression of his face.

The priest carried on with his sermon about love and the sacredness of marriage. He blessed us, our future children, and everyone that attended the wedding.

The priest stepped backward, giving us some space. “I now pronounce you husband and wife.” He motioned to Jacinth. “ you may now kiss the bride.”

My eyes widened in horror. The dreadful moment I wished wouldn’t happen was about to come into play.

Everyone around us went silent. I didn’t have to see them to know that they were peculiar about us. At least 95% of the people knew that this was an arranged marriage. We need not spell it out to them. And I was certain a larger percentage knew of Jacinth’s escapades, which piqued their interest more.

My whole body trembled as Jacinth wrapped a hand around the side of my neck, his thumb traced my fluttering pulse point.

My eyes slammed shut as the man I’ve learned to dislike leaned in toward me, and the expensive scent of dark wood washed over me.

My legs went jelly, and Jacinth wrapped his other arm around my waist, securing me into place. He leaned forward and breaths mingled together, his soft lips brushed against mine faintly.

A pang of pain shot through my chest. It was nothing but a tease meant to appease the onlookers. I opened my eyes and watched him pull away, leaving only a centimeter between us. His eyes screwed shut.

He doesn’t even find me worthy enough to kiss me.

Well, he is so wrong if that is what he thinks because I am way too good for him.

Are you? The little voice in my head argued.

The awkwardness made my eyes sting. I whispered. “Good, you still have boundaries, and don't cross mine.” In an attempt to conceal the hurt I felt.

He opened his eyes. “I would never.” He replied. His words were nearly convincing.

His words shouldn’t have an impact on me at all. This was a sham after all, yet the ache refused to subside.

The pressure on my chest worsened with each step I took away from the altar. I wasn’t sure I would make it to this point.

Joshua Holdings, that sun of a gun. I didn’t care anymore. I blamed him for this. He should have been able to handle his son, I shouldn’t have to be a repercussion for his son’s rotten lifestyle.

My eyes fell on my parents, and the little contempt I had for them grew. They should have found an alternative. Something else but this. They should have fought for me.

I shouldn't have gone out that night. I shouldn't have let that mistake happen. Now I have been entrapped in a bubble of lies because of the secret my family and I have tried so hard to keep.

The thoughts and the blame were spiraling through my mind, leaving me in utter distraught. Jacinth and I, arm in arm, made our way out of the venue.