TO LATE TO LOVE ME

yn's

-

o be part of this story.

tiles beneath me were stained red. The pain in my lower stomach came in waves, sharp and cruel. I

osing m

ba

un, now slipping away without a

the hospital. I should've called an ambulanc

my hand smearing blood across the scree

mi

still saved

it

ang

ic

e ti

fin

alm. Distant. Like I ha

my lip trembling. "I... I lost i

ait

en, he

th Lillian right

fr

y. Didn't ask where I was.

y voice barely holding together. "

h something. I'll c

n's voice, light and s

u talking t

swer, shar

on

line we

ne until I heard it hit the floor. The crac

roken, lying face-down beside

hat I wa

o

all e

n went dar

g at the broken phone. Maybe minutes. May

thighs were sticky. The ache in my stom

cold.

ere soaked through. Red everywhere. The floor. My hands. The hem of my night

s no one

words to soothe me. No voic

ulled myself up. My legs shook, but I didn'

wasn't

ts. My hands trembled as I wiped the floor. I scrubbed and scrubbed, tears blurr

. Sat in the steaming water with my arms wrapp

dn't

ld've mad

went cold. Until my skin puckered and

lower than I ever had in my life. Then I opened the li

e of it away. Every

ould erase the evidence,

y was screaming at me to rest. But I didn't want to lie down.

ed to drink when I was pregnant and n

ide it in

ait

for

o deep enough so it w

inst the chair. My arms wrapped around my stomach, a

of the door opening... it was

-

-

pain had dulled, but

where we once laughed, where he once kissed me against

om in silence. I did

owel, threw away the test I had saved-the one that read positive in soft pi

till hidden

ith a cup of untouched tea. The clock ti

him. Asking if he was ok

ian need

ill rememb

ike to lose a child while ly

o

ldn't

ched out. He'd al

ally opened

t was slightly wrinkled, the top buttons undone.

arely flic

dropping his key

t him. Sai

mething smells

htening my finge

leach. And blood

e bathroom,"

n't re

down the hall toward our bedroom. His be

icked shut

in si

's when

ver a

mentioned the baby. Never said

never h

never

d walked to the bedroom door. M

didn't

walked to t

bed

ceiling, the silence press

ifted to m

pt

o

heard the faint sound of a woman's