har

artment complex. My hands are shaking, my chest too tight to

dn't be

wing what's happening just a floor above me,

I d

h to feel

h not to k

" Over and over. Burned into my brain like a bad tattoo. My mo

ring wheel, pressing so hard

a

st fr

in everythi

sted at my wedding. He helped me pick the f

aps her legs around the

hould walk back into that

I wo

I do, I w

just before I fly past a red light. I exhale. The s

tea

for

n't dese

nd that builds slow. The kind that hurts worse be

ary, wondering why I missed my appointment. Or my mot

n't

think abo

erable, only for me to tell her I wanted a divo

her open with my bare hands. An

es you discard a woman wh

gas station to stop myself from crashin

I even sa

wante

was just

ing to marry

'm a m

my neck until it hurts. Arabel didn't just take that

ft her l

chase someone who was

now, what d

pretend I didn't try to tra

something she s

have t

e I deserve her... but I'm ev

t

like

ar into drive

et when I arrive. No

ys something. I don't hear it. My ears are still ring

edding. A fundraiser gala. Some political dinner. All the times

ed in ev

t even

e at h

beginning. That was my rule. Clea

wo mont

ped in my arms, soft and warm l

let it

self it w

li

kn

ans

st the wood. Nothing

s, quiet and unsure for

l no

der this time. "

le

shifts into dread. I reac

ock

creaks op

pt

ide open, and c

the

too fast. All her dresses. Her silk scarves. T

he drawe

counter

tray.

not

le

nd spot the enve

vorce

gave her

stares back at me, typ

signature...

s handw

m the folder, floating to the floor

down to

wo

you. G

ls like it ca

my hand, my vision blurs, but I force the tea

ned the

d out of

left

dese

Fucki

hter. My mouth opens

en her

w if I have the rig

o afte

o I ev

e change

lized she meant mor

t even ma

matter

eartbeat deafening. I try to imagine where she coul

phone and ta

cem

ai

ag

t. "Please.

th

age he

sor

l no

t to

o hit so

I do

one. With divorce pape

ing I a

I thought

it feels like a knife I

ts forgotten on the edge of the mirror. A hair

oticed until they

op onto the bed again, bu

is

betrayal

e's cow

h

sil

s n

he one person who, despite everythi

roke he

woman who neve

d

's