ished ballroom faded, replaced by the memory

ago, I liv

n clothes from my commune for beige cashmere and muted silks. I learned to sit quietly at his family dinners, enduri

was me to become a perso

uld yield to him, the way I would do anything he asked.

gh, almost frantic. Afterward, instead of hol

e chapel," he'd sai

's past

is voice tight with a conflict I d

of the sin of wanting me. I was his dirty secret and his confessional, all in one. I th

began when Cl

e day she returned, Julian changed. His attention, which had been

y. He laughed at her cruel jokes, fetched her drinks, and li

She was a porcelain doll

ary. She was perched on the arm of his

s she looked me up and down. "When are you going to get rid o

ven look at me. He just looked up at

" he promise